"Since this is the case, following the royal path and the teaching divinely inspired by our holy Fathers and the Tradition of the catholic Church—for we know that it is inspired by the Holy Spirit who lives in it—we decide in all correctness and after a thorough examination that, just as the holy and vivifying Cross, similarly the holy and precious Icons painted with colors, made with little stones or with any other matter serving this purpose (epitedeios), should be placed in the holy churches of God, on vases and sacred vestments, on walls and boards, in houses and on roads, whether these are Icons of our Lord God and Savior, Jesus Christ, or of our spotless Sovereign Lady, the holy Mother of God, or of the holy angels and of holy and venerable men. For each time that we see their representation in an image, each time, while gazing upon them, we are made to remember the prototypes, we grow to love them more, and we are more induced to worship them by kissing them and by witnessing our veneration (proskenesin), not the true adoration (latreian) which, according to our faith, is proper only to the one divine nature, but in the same way as we venerate the image of the precious and vivifying cross, the holy Gospel and other sacred objects which we honor with incense and candles according to the pious custom of our forefathers. For the honor rendered to the image goes to its prototype, and the person who venerates an Icon venerates the person represented in it. Indeed, such is the teaching of our holy Fathers and the Tradition of the holy catholic Church which propagated the Gospel from one end of the earth to the other."

I have a copy of this icon hanging from my neck. I also have charms of Christ as Pantocrater, His Holy Mother and St. Patrick of Armagh all on the same necklace as my baptismal cross. They give me solace and provide a constant reminder as to whom I travel with.

From time to time I'll reflect on the darker things of life. A few days ago the wife and I were having a discussion based around our kids and the reality that they could be taken from us even while we're still here to witness it. I look into the face of my 10-month old and often say to her…"You're perfect!" What I mean by this is…just that - she's perfect. Her sweet disposition and clever character is evident even in her infancy.

God has made it so that the wife and I have been able to envisage our children's life almost before it happens. I think this is the mechanics of love itself. I was telling 'Is that it makes me uncomfortable, even in the joy of it all, to see the potential of their spirit captured in their innocence and the responsibility to their wholehearted trust in us. I try not to think about it and offset the mood by diving back into the doldrums of daily events.

Yesterday at church, good friends of ours disclosed a terrible incident of a cousin of theirs having a heart attack. The cousin is four. This floored me. The parents of the four-year-old have a two-year-old and the mother is currently pregnant with their third. The baby had no heartbeat for 51 minutes and the family has decided to take her off of life support. Lord, Have Mercy…the baby's name is Rebecca.

Having a heart condition and a rapidly approaching four year-old I can relate, but not solely because of the aforementioned characteristics, but more so of the aforementioned uncertainties. God lets me experience these perfect and beautiful scenes with my daughters only to remind me of His love for me. It works too, but in my self-inflicted dejection I counteract the joy by thoughts of unworthiness. I am unworthy of both the love He has shown me as well as the love He has shown me through my daughters.

Joy is a Christian virtue I struggle with. Having spent my life apart from Christ and His truth I often get drowned in repentance. Repentance is a more comfortable place to react from given my comfortable association with its causes. Joy always seems unwarranted. Then I realize joy is reflective in the life of a believer based on the reality of Christ in their life. I also understand that when I'm feeling joy it also makes me feel that sorrow is coming up around the bend and it's then I realize it's constancy I seek.

This morning at 1:30 the baby was stirring about for her pacifier. Not locating it as quickly as she liked she let us know by screaming. I found it although it wasn't doing the job. That's when 'Is suggested that I go downstairs and prepare a bottle. I wrapped on a robe and trudged downstairs to the icy cold surface of our tiled kitchen. I wanted to be mad at the inconvenience when I thought about this family who has to deal with burying their four-year old. The beeping of the microwave snapped me out of my lamentation to the joy of being able to prepare a bottle for my baby girl.

Lord, Have Mercy…Let us all pray for baby Rebecca and her family.

Turned 34 on Wednesday. Feels kinda weird. 34 is not 24…it's not even 27! The focus of this year - albeit rather sanctimoniously - will be to maintain some form of steady fitness. Just writing those words made me shriek. Having spent the majority of my life engaged in some variety of vigorous movement, I can't grasp the idea of having to set aside designated timeframes for exercise. Welcome to Fatherdom!

Prior to kids, I could count on surfing everyday. Whether or not I did was up to me and the option was always mine. I think the motivation for indoctrinating the girls (Mom included) into ocean culture is to ensure the stability of my waistline. I hate it when things I hear about "things to come" come true…like when my Ma told me when she bought my first shaving kit in 7th grade, that I would "regret" having to shave daily. She was right…although…thank God for Orthodoxy, where facial-hair complacency is widely accepted!

The repose of Fr. John Sergieff was Saturday. It virtually went unnoticed in my house do to the current chaos sustaining it. I did manage to have a hearty reflection on his life and the impact his example has had on me. A straightforward Christian existence was his approach to living and he was rewarded noticeably by God's grace while still here among us.

The only other saint I sincerely considered as a patron outside of The Forerunner and Prophet to our Lord was St. John of Kronstadt. He is an example for us all…Father John, pray to God for us!

Finals today. After the debacle of misconstruing the submittal date of the 30-page paper due, my instructors have extended me the grace to present it at the date in which I thought it was initially scheduled. Lord, Have Mercy. No matter…I still intend to take some time off from school and focus on family and home life. Maybe some music too. With Uncle Bev driving out to live on this coast, and the abundance of "in house" talent, it seems like the logical thing to do.

Last night at church we read the Canon of the Conception of the Holy Theotokos. A moving and spiritually educational service, although I was preoccupied with watching Jr. walking around the nave. 10-months to the day…just like her uncle Cruz. I'm waiting for her to make a dash for the sanctuary and try and bolt through the royal doors - like her older sister did. Twice!

Holy St. Theophan…pray to God for me that he may grant me the wisdom and strength to properly raise up my children in all godliness and dignity…instilling in them the heart and mind to properly distinguish Your will for their life…and the fact that only clergy can move freely through the royal doors!

Lord, Have Mercy (3x)

Long time no babble. A whole month. Which isn't to say that there wasn't anything to say…it just means there wasn't enough time to say it.

We bought a house - Glory to God in all things! It looks like it'd be an Orthodox mission parish in Alaska. Multi-tiered and really wide. No cupolas though. Not yet anyway. It's kinda weird…it's a lot more space than we are accustomed to live in. You can actually be in one part of the house and not know what's going on in another. This includes the super-sonic-instinctual-built-in-parent-tracking system. Jr. has already tried to tackle the stairs (and with some success), although we keep her corralled behind the many gated stations throughout the house. We are all very thankful.

I think God is allowing me the ability to see into my future. Part of it entails me cutting out all extraneous activity. The two hobbies I foresee as qualifying events are futebol and school. Futebol most likely qualifies on all lists, husband and wife alike, although looking at school as a hobby would leave most people offended. It doesn't offend me…I can go to school whenever I want. I haven't taken it serious and have been able to look good doing it. Until now. Now I must and part of doing that is knowing when to back off, regroup and give it the respect it deserves when I figure out how that's done.

I want to live as the wife lives…for God & family. Part of this - and which is radiated so elegantly in the Mrs. - is her sacrifice for our kids. She wants to spend the remaining two years with the oldest, independent of caring for any other children in daycare. I do too. I want to work, pay my bills, and come home. This is what God is providing…I think I'll try and handle it with care.

I will not be the poster child for Advent. Hell…it's taken it's spiritual toll on me in showing that the rigorous prayer rule I keep is for naught if I can't stay focused OR awake. Shame on me. I started mounting my own icons. Why I didn't think of it before eludes me. After seeing the black & white photograph of Fr. John at St. Anthony's, mounted on gorgeous black baseboard made the wheels start turning. It's enabled me to seek out some saints that I really had an interest in but never have seen them offered in any of the bookstore catalogues.

Ma's done with all her surgeries. Hopefully now she'll be able to focus on other things. That women is a modern day Photini - Lord, Have Mercy.